Last week I read a newspaper article about a woman who was arrested for armed robbery. This woman walked up behind a cashier in the supermarket with her hand in her pocket, as if she had a gun. She demanded that the cashier give her the money from the register drawer. The cashier refused. At that point, the frustrated robber put her pistol to the cashier’s head. Fortunately for the cashier, the woman’s pistol was the kind you make with your forefinger and thumb. The cashier just slapped away the robber’s “gun” and the robber fled.
The cashier must have had some idea that there wasn’t any real danger. Otherwise, they would have handed over the cash. Somehow this cashier knew that the robber didn’t have the ability to carry out her threat.
Sometimes we use the “finger pistol” when we discipline our children. Have you ever been guilty of threatening your child with a potential punishment that you have neither the means—nor the will—to carry out? An example of this is the proverbial, “You’re grounded for the rest of your life!”
We never say that, do we? Although I don’t go to that extreme, I have still been guilty of using the finger pistol. In fact, there was a time when it was one of my favorite weapons! I was guilty of threats such as these: “If you don’t pay attention during homeschool, I’ll put you in public school!” Or, “If you don’t pick up your room I’m getting rid of those your toys!” And even, “If you don’t stay in your bed and settle down you’ll be sleeping in the basement!”
My kids know that I am homeschooling for a million reasons, and that nothing would induce me to put them in school. They know I’ve spent a lot of money on their toys and I won’t be throwing them away. And they know I wouldn’t have the heart to make one of them sleep in the basement….even though it is finished, and there is a guest room, the little ones won’t go down there alone, even in broad daylight!
It would seem that a severe threat would get my kids moving, but it has the opposite effect. They know, like that cashier, when there isn’t any real danger behind my empty words. I have learned that for discipline to be effective, it needs to be something that we have both the means—and the will—to enforce.
Do you use a finger pistol?
Hi Molly,
My name is Teri Sommer, I was recommended to your blog by one of my dear friends and former teammates in Hungary. My husband and I were missionaries there from ’99-’05. Another one of our dear friends who is still in Hungary – Jill Hitchcock- works with OM there. Anyway, I just wanted to drop a note to say hi. I am now 2 years into the homeschooling journey with our 6 year old. Something I really never thought I would do. Anyway, I look forward to reading your blog. I actually have one too and would love for you to stop by: http://sommerdays.blogspot.com/. Anyway, blessings to you and perhaps our paths will cross somewhere here in GA!
Teri Sommer
Ugh, I know what you mean- haven’t yet found myself guilty of it but I’ve heard my sister-in-law do it countless times. Nephew knows there’s no force, so he doesn’t obey…it’s a mess.