Another hard day dawned in our home this morning. Our six year old is starting to recover from his prolonged illness, but now our 3 year old is throwing up.
That was the straw that broke this mommy’s heart, and I just broke down crying this morning.
I’ve just spent five days in the hospital watching while a terrible virus ravaged my six year old’s body. I don’t want to walk that road again.
Really, Lord? I guess you think we can handle more.
So we will.
Here are some of the reflections of my heart today, those things which give me strength moment by moment.
First, a song from Caedmon’s Call, titled “Carry Your Love”. Music always ministers to me when I’m struggling.
Some of the lyrics read:
You are sunlight; You are morning
You’re the hope of a brand new day
You are comfort; You are blessing
And You wipe all our tears away
So change us from within
Render miracles from our sin
Remind us once again
This is Your time; this is Your place
We are vessels for breaking
Under Your grace, we are led by Your Spirit
You have redeemed us by the blood of Your Son
Send down Your Word; we are eager to hear it
Ready our hearts to carry Your love
He is everything to me. My hope, my comfort, my joy in the midst of sadness. This song helps me to remember that ‘we are vessels for breaking, under your grace’. Grace doesn’t always mean everything goes the way I want it to. This year I have seen a glimpse of what it means to be broken by the Hand of Grace.
This brokenness is giving me a greater eagerness to hear His Word, and a deeper passion to serve.
As always in these times, I cling to the Word to sustain me.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
I’ve hit the wall a few times this week, and cried plenty of tears and snapped at others in frustration. I am reminded again and again that I am just a jar of clay. It’s not in me to keep trusting, but He gives more and more grace, just as I need it. This all-surpassing power is from God, not from me.
Molly, Your faith in the fire is so inspiring! I have been and will continue to be praying for you dear sister.
I love you, Molly and your sweet boys. I’m crying now that I have read this. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness to you.
Oh, Molly….my prayers are with you.
Molly, I don’t know you personally, but I see Christ in you through your writing.
I just today finished reading the Jerry Bridges book, The Discipline of Grace. I thought this was so good:
________________________________
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined … then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.” Heb. 12:7-8
“….all hardship of whatever kind has disciplinary purpose for us. **There is no such thing as pain without purpose in the life of a believer.**
This does not necessarily mean a particular hardship is related to a specific act or habit of sin in our lives. **It does mean that every expression of discipline has as its intended end conformity to the likeness of Christ.** It is true that we often cannot see the connection between the adversity and God’s purpose. It should be enough for us, however, to know that He sees the connection and the end result He intends.
Can we tell if a particular adversity is related to some specific sin in our lives? Not with certainty, but it is my own belief that the Holy Spirit will bring such a connection to our attention if we need to know in order to deal with a particular sin. If nothing comes to mind, we can pray, asking God if there is something He wants us to consciously learn. **Beyond that however, it is vain to speculate as to why God has brought a particular hardship into our lives. Part of the sanctifying process of adversity is its mystery, that is, our inability to make any sense out of a particular hardship.**
Although all pain has a purpose in the mind of God, that purpose is often–it is safe to say, usually–hidden from us. The Apostle Paul wrote of God’s ways,
“How unsearchable are His judgements, and His paths beyond tracing out.” Rom. 11:33
_____________________________
Keep Trusting Him! May He bless your children with healing, and all of you with rest.