I was in a big hurry when I put the boys to bed tonight. It was already past bedtime and I was tired. Here is a glimpse of the conversations I had with the boys tonight:
Cal: Mommy, don’t brush my teeth so fast!
Me: Don’t tell me what to do, Cal. I’m in a hurry.
Cal: Mommy, will you read to me?
Me: Only if it’s something short, and you need to pick it quick.
Cal: Mommy, look, I picked my favorite, David and Goliath!
Me: hastily read D and G, “Cliff’s notes version”
Cal: Mommy, will you….
Me: No, goodnight!
And he went to bed immediately, without another word. Now if only he would stay asleep….
Next, I went in to big brothers Knox and Colin.
Me, wearily: Boys, how can I pray for you tonight?
Knox: Mom, pray that we don’t have bad dreams. And mom, will you please pray that we will grow up to be godly husbands? And will you pray that we will have good wives, too?
Then it was time to tell oldest brother Jack goodnight. I scratched his back as we talked.
Me: Are you happy being homeschooled? Today was a stressful day.
Jack: I love it. I would miss you so much if I was gone all day.
Fast forward a couple of hours. The kids are asleep, my evening work is now set aside. Ahhh….time to relax. I saw a post on my Tapestry of Grace board that led me to Guinevere’s grieving blog. Her daughter died when she was a little younger than Cal. Her words pierced my heart, and I began to cry. I had gone through the motions tonight, but my heart wasn’t really in it. I ran to Cal’s room and knelt by his bed, weeping.
Me: Oh, Lord, I don’t deserve these children. They are such precious gifts. Forgive me for not cherishing every moment with them. Please, Lord, please, let them grow up to be godly men.
I wanted to wake Cal up so I could hold him tight.
But I let him sleep. I will hold him tight tomorrow. I will read. I will brush more slowly.
Thank you for posting this…I feel like this is my life too, hurry hurry hurry. The Lord has been reminding me to take the time to cherish my little ones because they grow soooo fast.
Thanks for the link to your blog from the SWR yahoo loop. I love reading about the experiences of other homeschooling families. It it so encouraging!
Hi Molly! I met you yesterday at the Chiropractor’s Office and just wanted to thank you for your kind words. It is amazing how God uses His loved ones to minister to others. I want to thank you for your tender heart and willingness to share his love and your struggles with other moms. After you spoke at MOPS a few weeks ago, I was convicted of doing too much outside of the home and therefore neglecting my boys at home. Oh – how heavy my heart was to know that my largest priority in life was receiving the littlest part of my time. I am working to remedy the situation and am confident of the work that God has called me to do – to put all my energies toward ministering to my husband and my son. May God continue to encourage you as you minister.
Hi,
Just found your site and have to thank you for your ministry. I have been in a spiritual desert lately and I really need a like minded place to sit, read and reflect on what the Lord requires of me. Can wait to read more of your blog and listen to your podcast.
Cindy V
Wow, this entry made me cry because I can relate!!! Thank you for your honesty. May we not run through our lives so we miss these wonderful moments with our little ones! I want to be tired instead of having regrets when they are grown!
Melinda (from Hungary)